


why don't you go first

by BisexGhoul



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Non-Binary Asra, OR IS IT, Self-Indulgent, Unrequited Love, sex is involved but it's not overly explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 08:31:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15792861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexGhoul/pseuds/BisexGhoul
Summary: He woke up with a wince and the glaring sunlight of the morning falling right on his face. He felt like utter shit and he thought he knew why. His head felt as heavy as a mountain.orThe one where they hook up, decide not to do it again, but spoiler alert they do it again.





	why don't you go first

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crowboi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowboi/gifts).



> i loved writing this, but please don't kill me if it feels too ooc
> 
> thanks to crowboi for giving me this idea and letting me choose who to write it for, but i felt like she deserved it to be written for this pairing

He woke up with a wince and the glaring sunlight of the morning falling right on his face. He felt like utter shit and he thought he knew why. His head felt as heavy as a mountain.

Julian did a quick check in with the rest of his body. Besides his head hurting because of glaring obvious reasons - which were his drinking habits of last night - his hips also ached. But it wasn’t a bad ache, it was one deep in his bones which screamed of comfort and pleasure. He couldn’t remember much about the night before besides the party, and meeting a few people, and drinking himself into a stupor, but he was quite happy with the lover choice his drunk self made if his body felt this good. That is if you ignore the damned headache.

With a groan, he opened his eyes and tried to take in his surroundings. The offending window which was the bane of his existence that morning had pastel flowered curtains. That was a clear indicator that it wasn’t his apartment and something about them looked familiar.

The thought of having sex with someone he already knew did not freak him out so much, but when he recognized the rest of the room as being Asra’s his heartbeat skyrocketed.

He pushed his upper body away from the bed a bit too fast for his head’s liking and he winced as he looked at the person beside him.

Asra was laying on the bed, the bed sheet covering their lower half, a book cradled in their lap. Their eyes though were fixated on Julian himself.

“Morning,” they said, with a blinding smile in place and this soft look in their eyes.

Julian swallowed uselessly for his throat was too dry to be able to muster some words out and he could feel his face heating up. Sure, he must make such a sight with his blush riding all the way down to his chest.

Asra laughed at the sight in front of him good-naturedly and tilted his head to the side to point to the small table next to the bed.

“I put some painkillers and a glass of water there for you.”

Something in Julian’s chest gave a tug at his heart as he took said glass of water and pills and downed them in one go. Despite his better judgment, Julian sunk his head back into the pillows with a guttural groan. His instincts told him he should leave, and thanked higher deities for the lack of memory last night was. He still had feelings for Asra ever since high school when they had a brief relationship, but they both decided it would be better to separate when Asra started discovering their gender.

It wasn’t something he wanted back then, but Asra did so he took the decision that would possibly make them happy in the long run. Even though he was still very much pinning.

“You are a monster,” Julian murmured into the pillow. They both knew how hangovers seemed to steer away from Asra. It was almost like even pain wanted not to mare the beauty that they were.

Asra’s laugh at his words squeezed around Julian’s heart in such a painfully sweet way that he felt his knees go weak. He was hopeless when it came to them.

“And you possibly drank too much.” Even without looking he knew there would be mirth dancing in their eyes.

“Yeah,” Julian sorrowfully agreed.

He turned his head again and watched the sunlight paint Asra’s profile with an ethereal light. Their attention was now focused back on the book they held in their arms, their fingers gingerly turning the pages when needed.

“I think,” Julian started, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat and started again. “I think this shouldn’t happen again.”

He kept his gaze steady on Asra, not one to show how hurt he was by his own words. Asra’s beautiful eyes turned on him, his expression unreadable.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

And that was that. At least that’s what Julian thought. Until the next party when he got drunk again, this time not as bad. The last time it took him two days to fully recover and not feel like throwing up whenever he moved.

When he woke up the next morning it was with an ache not also in his head and hips, but in his chest also. He remembered Asra’s soft touches and their loving eyes and with how much care they opened Julian up, their fingers making Julian see god.

And that may not be the right train of thought to have when laying in bed next to the person you have feelings for who, thankfully, was still sleeping. Which meant Julian didn’t have to try and hide his obvious boner.

Sadly, no more painkillers and water on the table, but at least he could make himself scarce and not have to look Asra in the eyes. Those piercing beautiful eyes which made Julian want to obey every whim that they had.

The next time it happened seemed inevitable for Julian which is why he didn’t drink that much that night. He was pleasantly buzzed when they reached Asra’s apartment and he sobered up by the time their cock filled Julian in all the right ways.

That morning when he woke up Asra wasn’t next to him, which weirdly enough made Julian’s chest ache somewhat.

He took the painkillers so graciously placed on the table, a soft smile tugging at his lips and made his way to the living room in his clothes from the night before. Thankfully they didn’t smell so much of alcohol.

Asra was sitting on their couch, a cup of coffee between their hands, their feet curled up beneath them. It didn’t take long for them to notice him, but when they did, their expression went from one of sadness to a blinding smile.

Julian had a second in which his brain froze, remembering how those lips felt on is own, on his body, and how they looked wrapped around his cock. He blinked a few times in quick succession trying to get that image out of his head - and not get a boner - and stood awkwardly between Asra’s bedroom and the couch.

“Hey,” he croaked, his throat dry for some reason.

“Hey yourself.” Their tone was so soft and fond that Julian felt weak. Their hand patted the couch so Julian made his way over there.

He sat down, a ways away from Asra, his shoulders clearly tense. This meant they would have to address the elephant in the room. His eyes were trained on the plants that littered Asra’s living room, anywhere but on them.

The atmosphere got increasingly more stilted and awkward until it reached a breaking point in which they both started talking.

“I-”

“So-”

They both stopped, looked at one another and started laughing.

“Why don’t you go first?” Asra said, his features adopting that guarded look that Julian hated so much.

So many years of knowing one another. Of sharing their first kiss with one another. Of getting his heart broken for the first time, but it slowly mending itself back together with the love Julian still carried for them. Of silently watching them grow into the flawless beautiful person they now were.

And he still couldn’t read Asra as well as he would have liked. No one knew him better than them, no one knew how to handle him better than them. Yet he still felt so utterly powerless when it came to Asra.

And to think he was about to ruin all of that by confessing his unrequited love, by showing Asra how hung up he still was on them. With a sigh, he glanced to the side.

“I think it’s best if you go first, Asra.” He mumbled, not bothering to hide the pain that lurked just underneath the surface.

They nodded, a determined look in their eyes, and put the coffee to the side so their hands could be free.

“I wasn’t drunk last night.” Julian could feel his heartbeat quicken and the damned small seed of hope in his heart blooming. “I-” It was so strange hearing Asra unable to find their words. “I care for you very much, Ilya. Ever since you agreed to give me my space and allow me to figure all of this on my own, I never stopped caring for you. My love for you grew with each passing year. I wanted to apologize for treating you so poorly back then and to thank you for understanding. And I wanted to let you know how much I loved you.”

Their hand settled on his forearm and tugged slightly, making Julian turn his eyes on Asra. He felt so weak having those eyes on him.

“How much I still do. And how hopelessly in love I am with you.”

Asra’s eyes moved to the side, away from Julian’s. He felt a light squeeze on his arms.

“I don’t know what these nights we’ve spent together meant for you. After that first one, I thought telling you how I felt would be useless.”

Silence stretched between them for what felt like hours. Asra was growing more nervous by the second as they started fidgeting.

Julian realized he did not reply having been stunned silent by Asra’s words when their hand started pulling back. He quickly grabbed it and cradled it between his own.

“I’m so in love with you. I wasn’t drunk either. I-” he could feel his excitement grown as Asra started looking back at him, their cheeks getting a slight blush.

They took their hand out of Julian’s and in a second they had his face between them and pressed those soft lips to Julian’s own. It felt every bit as he remembered, just as earth-shattering as it had been each night they shared a bed. The taste of coffee on his lips was just as welcomed as long as Asra would never stop kissing him.

**Author's Note:**

> can be found on [tumblr](https://lostinlilith.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/faceoftheghoul)


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